Loneliness | Making Connections Through Questions| Resilience | The Mister Brown Show
Do you ever feel lonely? What do you like about yourself? What does it mean to be resilient? In this episode we are going to discuss all of these questions, and more! In a world constantly ‘connected’ through phones, the internet, and social media, people are still feeling lonely! I think sometimes we lack deep connections. Sometimes we know OF people, but we don’t truly KNOW them.
Welcome to the Mister Brown show where we do “Real talk, real life, real choices!” Today I have a few birthday shout-outs and then we are going to talk about resilience, Connection Questions, our Quote Of The Day, and loneliness. I also want to give a shout-out to our new Patron, Tristan! If you are interested in supporting me through Patreon, you can check it out at https://www.patreon.com/themisterbrown!
Loneliness
Do you ever feel lonely? Is it a consistent feeling for you? In a world ‘connected’ in so many ways, it is sad that sometimes we still feel lonely. Even with phones, social media, the internet, messaging, and all of the apps out there, sometimes we still experience feelings of loneliness. According to Cigna, 73% of heavy social media users feel lonely. This is so sad! I have literally seen groups of students hanging out, and they are all on their phones. They are together but using their phones to ‘connect’ to other people instead of those right in front of them. This statistic makes me sad because something that was intended to keep people connected, is actually contributing to them feeling more lonely. Do you feel like you are part of the 73%?
Comparatively, 52% of light social media users reported feeling lonely. This is still a big percentage! You can be around other people and still feel like you lack real connection. We are people who are built for connection.
Do we talk about deep stuff? Do we talk about our loneliness or lack of connection? I think when you take this lack of deep connection with others and add on the comparison syndrome, people really do experience loneliness. I will talk more about comparison syndrome in a future episode, but it happens when we constantly compare ourselves to others. Social media is an avenue for comparison syndrome to manifest itself. Content on social media is altered and filtered. It is not real, yet we compare ourselves anyway. This can really make you feel inadequate and lonely. I think the problem with social media is that when we get together, we know OF each other but sometimes we don’t truly KNOW each other. Growing up and watching TV, I felt like I knew Bill Crosby, but I didn’t really know him, I only knew of him. The same thing can be said about some of the celebrities and athletes we follow. Sometimes you may feel like you REALLY KNOW them. You watch their interviews and follow their social media pages, but do you really know them as a person?
I think all of us, at some level or another, crave a true connection with people. We were created for relationships with people. I challenge you to get to know people so we don’t just know OF people!
Connection Questions
My family likes to play games, such as first-letter/last-letter or the ABCs of thanks, at the dinner table. The other day, my wife brought a new game to the table. It is an app called, “I’m Curious.” I really like this app as it has a bunch of different questions that help you build connections with people and have intentional conversations. The app has questions such as “Who makes you laugh,” “Who is kind to you,” “Who do you want to cry with,” and “Who encourages you.”
This app inspired me to start a new segment of The Mister Brown Show called “Connection Questions.” Sometimes I will have someone on this segment with me. I may have my wife, my kids, a friend, or one of you! I want to use this segment to encourage you to use questions to make deeper connections with people. I will provide 3 questions that you can take away and use in your life, and I’ll answer 1 question on the show.
Here are today’s questions!
What do you think people are seeking?
What do you respect in other people?
What is the most useful thing that you own?
Now that you know the questions, pick 1, or all 3, and answer it! I encourage you to be genuinely you. I love these questions because they foster dialogue. However, sometimes people are afraid of that, and that is why we often know OF each other but do not really KNOW each other. There is a difference between knowing of and knowing. Even asking questions within your family can help you break down the walls of persona and feeling like you have to be somebody you are not. You can be genuinely you. There is freedom in being vulnerable because you don’t have to work so hard at being someone you are not.
I am going to pick question 2) What do you respect in other people? I encourage you to pick a question and answer it in the comments! Maybe I’ll invite you to be on the show!
There are a lot of qualities I respect in others, but I will start with respecting people who are genuine. I don’t care if you are what others refer to as “dorky” or “nerdy,” I respect when people are genuine and true to who they are. It is really hard to know someone if they are not genuine. Someone who recently started working with me made the comment that I am the same person whether I am speaking, at a restaurant, or working. I want to be the same person wherever I go! It is way too much work to try and be someone different wherever you go. I appreciate authentic people, people who are genuine and true to who they are.
I also respect when people are responsible. I respect when they are responsible for their actions and for those around them. I have a friend who was working for this company and he found out that someone was embezzling money from a company they just acquired. He wasn’t responsible for it because it wasn’t his doing, and he easily could have bailed and moved on. But you know what, he dug in deep and started working to get the company out of debt and back on track. He wanted to stay true to their vendors, their customers, and their employees. It wasn't his mistake but he took responsibility for his company and his employees. It took some time, but he overcame it and he did it! He did what he had to do.
Responsibility makes me think of single moms. Especially when the father up-and-leaves. They dig in and do what they have to do. My mom is an example of this. I respect how she took responsibility for her 4 kids and how she dug in and did what was needed. She became our role model for what work ethic looks like. I also respect people who are willing to take responsibility when they do something wrong. I wish some of our government officials and leaders would step up sometimes and say “You know what, we were wrong.” How often do we hear that unless they are backed into a corner and do so?
I respect people who are genuine or authentic and responsible. I would also add honesty. If I can trust you, we can go places! If I can’t look you in the eye and know that you are telling me the truth, it's hard to connect with you. I respect when people can be honest about the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Lastly, I would say that I respect people who are confident in who they are. Not in a conceited way, but confident in who they are and what they want. Not wishy-washy or always waiting on others to decide. I was invited to an 8th-grade dance one time. The principal called and invited me as I had been speaking at the school for a while. So, I went, and I took my pregnant wife with me! When we got there, nobody was dancing. There were two girls off to the side who were having the time of their lives! Neither one of them had much for rhythm, but they didn’t care! My wife and I hung out with them because they were not trying to fit in or be someone they weren’t. They were confident in who they were. I respect people who are confident in who they are and are willing to grow in that confidence.
These Connection Questions are meant to get to know people. I challenge you to ask one of the 3 questions to a family member. It allows you to connect with people, which is the whole point of Connection Questions!
Happy Birthday!
My birthday is March 24th, so happy birthday to me! I also know A LOT of March babies! First off, happy birthday to Travis, my twin brother. Happy birthday to my daughter Jazmyne and my son Evan! To Hannah, Shania, Alicia, my neighbors, and so many other people on my list! If your birthday is in March, happy birthday to YOU!
Speaking of birthdays… One thing I love to do is send cards! My mother was huge on sending greeting cards and that is one thing I picked up from her. The truth is, sometimes I don’t want to go to the store or send a box card. 10 years ago I found a program to send cards. It is called Send Out Cards, and I love using their app. You can make and send them from your phone and it is a physical card that gets sent in the mail. I put people's names and birthdays in the app and it sends me a reminder 2 weeks before their birthday. To check it out, visit my affiliate site at: https://www.lifewiththebrowns.com/sendtheperfectcard. I have tutorials on this site as well to help you with the program! You can send birthday cards, Christmas cards, Valentine’s day cards, and you can even send gifts! To send your first card for free, go to https://www.lifewiththebrowns.com/sendtheperfectcard.
Quote Of The Day
“Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t, start loving yourself for everything you are.”
I really like this quote because it forces you to look for the good! It is so easy to look for the bad stuff in our lives, but what do you like about yourself? Can you breathe? Do you have a nose? Can you feel things? Sometimes we don’t appreciate what we have until we don’t have it anymore. For example, I love basketball. A few weeks ago, I was not able to put pressure on my foot without it hurting. I could barely walk, let alone play. Now that it is better, I appreciate every time I get to step on the court.
You may not be the best at something or be the specific weight you want, but at the end of the day, if you focus on the negative stuff, you won’t get better. Maybe you are struggling with comparison syndrome. So let me ask you again, what do you like about yourself?
I was on Twitter the other day and a girl posted that she is always going the extra mile for other people and wonders when someone will do the same for her. So I, sheepishly, commented back, “Wherever you go the extra mile for somebody else, you always get something in return. A better you.” Think about the good things in your life. Beating yourself up will never make you whole, but looking for the good and building on it has promise! I do it too sometimes. I got caught up watching an amazon prime series where the lead actor has serious muscles. He had muscles coming out of his muscles. I was thinking, “Man, it would be great to have those muscles.” But you know what, I still like me. And it is a choice! You can choose to look for the things you like about yourself. “Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t, start loving yourself for everything you are.” It is a choice, and when you make better choices, you will live a better life. So choose well. Oh yeah!
Resilience
I love working with schools through The Choose Well program. Recently, I have been able to start going back into schools as some of the covid restrictions are being lifted.
If you want to check out more about the work I do with schools, go to https://www.thechoosewellprogram.com/!
I recently made a video on resilience. To me, resilience is stick-to-it-ness. The ability to overcome the bad. Overcoming your failures. I think sometimes we hinder people’s ability to build resilience because we don’t allow people to go through the difficult stuff. The other day my daughter had youth group, but it had to be moved to a different location. Long story short, we were not able to take her and she was sad about it. I didn’t like seeing my daughter sad and it was uncomfortable. However, at the same time, she has to learn how to deal with disappointment. That is what creates that stick-to-it-ness. It builds resilience. Part of me wanted to solve it for her and it was hard to watch. But, part of her learning to deal with disappointment is learning resilience.
None of us are going to succeed all the time. Learning the pain of failure and disappointment allows us to grow and build resilience.
Here is a quote from Jordan Peterson: “if you protect people, you make them dull, stupid, and narcissistic.” When we overprotect our kids or students, they won’t have the ability to cope. I don't want to use the word stupid like he does, but overprotecting can make kids narcissistic. It can create entitlement or the idea that it's all about themselves. Learning how to overcome makes you creative. When your back is against the wall and things are crumbling, you either step up or you stop. I think part of all of us wants to overcome and to step up.
Resilience makes me think of some of the students I work with and some of the stories they have told me. They don’t have any other options so they build resilience and they find a way forward. [Disclaimer: I am not talking about kids being abused. Get those kids out of those situations. That is different.] For example, the kids who are disappointed because they didn’t get fancy, name-brand clothes, shoes, or toys. Growing up, we didn't get the fancy adjustable basketball hoop, so we made one! We started with milk cartons and a telephone pole. Then, we advanced to a bike tire and a piece of wood. I think sometimes not having everything brings ingenuity, creativeness, and resilience.
Here is another quote, “the way to make people resilient is to voluntarily expose them to the stuff that makes them uncomfortable and the stuff that is scary.” It is okay to be scared and not have all the answers. Students, don't run from problems. I had a student ask me once if life gets easier when you get older. [It took everything in me to not bust out laughing.] Life doesn't get easier, but you can choose to never give up. Quitting on yourself should not be an option. I challenge you to build resilience. Parents, help your kids build resilience in a healthy way. I know it's hard to see them fail and all you want to do is help them, but help them build resilience. Building resilience is a choice, and when you make better choices, you will live a better life. So choose well. Oh yeah!
Thank you for joining me for this episode of The Mister Brown Show! Please leave a comment or answer one of the connection questions! We also have a 24 hour feedback line where you can answer the connection question, leave a comment, or give us a topic for a future episode. You can call 530-535-8121 to leave your message!
Cigna Social Media Statistics: https://socialpronow.com/loneliness-statistics/
