Are You Self-deceived? | Books with Mister Brown | The Mister Brown Show
Today we are going to discuss a single question, “Are you self-deceived?” This question is derived from the book Leadership and Self-Deception. I believe the worst type of deception is self-deception. It is not doing something you know you should be doing, and then justifying yourself for it.
To listen to the whole podcast, you can click either of the links below.
Mister Brown’s Books
I have really enjoyed doing these podcasts! I firmly believe in the power of choices, and these podcasts have been a great choice for me to be able to engage the culture and be true to myself and my message. However, I won’t always talk about politics. I will also talk about cultural topics because some crazy things are happening in our world. The sad thing about politics is that it is everywhere nowadays. You cannot even go to a school or see a doctor without politics being present. Another thing I will always try to do in these podcasts is the Quote Of The Day. I want to encourage you, because I truly believe that life is good. Life is a gift from God and we need to make the most of it. However, that does not mean we need to hide in a shell from the hard stuff either.
I am willing to be wrong and make mistakes. Maybe that is why it took me so long to start this podcast, because we fear being wrong and putting ourselves out there. The only way to guarantee you will not be criticized is for you to say and do nothing. Yet, even still people will criticize you for not doing anything.
I have a lot I want to talk about through this podcast, the pandemic, covid, vaccines, and the vaccine mandates, however, I am not going to do that today. Today I am starting a new segment called Books With Mister Brown. I recently came across a podcast episode that we did with some good friends, the Sutherlands, on our Life With The Browns page. The episode was about the book Leadership and Self-Deception.
Welcome to the first episode of Books With Mister Brown!
The Worst Deception = Self-Deception
I believe the worst type of deception is self-deception. Self-deception is not doing something you know you should be doing, and then justifying yourself for it. You betray your values and do not honor the person you are.
The book, Leadership and Self-Deception, is exceptional for life, marriage, and business. Sometimes you have to take a deep breath and remind yourself that “God loves this person.” We need to be able to have conversations with people on things we disagree about. Just because we disagree on the vaccine doesn’t mean I am going to dismiss you for the rest of your life. I believe the worst type of deception is self-deception because you deny who you are and what you stand for.
I want to tell you a quick story. I met a group of men who played basketball, and they simply were not very good. I am not trying to be harsh, it simply was the truth. The sad thing is that they were convinced they were going to the NBA. They were self-deceived about their own skill. American Idol could be used as another example. They always seem to find a terrible singer and then use their audition as part of the show. Did nobody tell them it was a bad idea to audition? Did nobody help them see they may be more talented in a different area? Or were they simply too self-deceived to listen?
To listen to the Life With The Browns episode on the book, Leadership and Self-Deception, you can follow this link: https://www.lifewiththebrowns.com/blog/are-you-deceiving-yourself-conversations-with-the-browns
Are You Deceiving Yourself? | Conversations With The Browns
Our family was hanging out with our friends, the Sutherlands, at their pool, when Shandel mentioned the book, Leadership and Self-Deception. I told Siri to remind me about the book when I got home, and I actually ended up buying and reading the book. This book blew my mind! It has the potential to be an answer for some of the turmoil and unrest we see in our country today. The book’s concept of self-deception can be applied to schools, marriages, businesses, and people in general. My wife, Andrea, said that sometimes approaching things from a different angle can be most effective. She said the best marriage books can actually be business books.
As Shandel Sutherland said, as soon as you think you are not self-deceived, you will find something new. When we are self-deceived, we build things in our minds that are not true about another person. For example, when my kids were babies and I would be lying in bed and hear one of them cry, I would nudge Andrea like “is she going to hear them?” I realized early on in the marriage that I can help with the baby too. She does so much during the day, that if she can sleep at night it is better for everyone. I realized that I was deceiving myself because I knew I should get up, but instead, I expected Andrea to do it. When we are self-deceived, we construct things about the other person to justify our own lack of action. Another example is that sometimes I have arguments with my wife without even talking to her. When I do this, I have betrayed myself and put myself in the self-deception box by not honoring the value I have for my wife.
I would define self-deception as not doing something you know you should be doing, and then trying to justify yourself for it. In the baby scenario, I knew I should get up, but I did not, and then I justified myself by expecting Andrea to do it. I crossed the line into self-deception the second I decided I wasn’t going to get out of bed and started expecting Andrea to do it.
Andrea describes self-deception as not knowing you have a problem AND resisting the possibility that you are part of the problem. She stated that with everything happening in the world, it is easy to locate all of the problems outside of ourselves. However, we cannot find real solutions if we keep viewing ourselves as separate from the problem group. For example, I had an apple watch band that I wore all of the time, including sleeping and working out. One day I noticed this weird smell. It took me a while to realize it was my apple watch band that smelled. It took me so long to realize it was me because sometimes we refuse to think we could be part of the problem.
I want to honor who I am and who I want to be. Even when it comes to small things such as picking something up off the floor when I see it, instead of expecting another person to do it. I want to honor my values and not deceive myself; because when you do not honor your own values, you immediately cross the line into self-deception. When you see a toy on the floor and think “I should pick that up,” but then don’t do it, you are in the self-deception box because you have to justify your actions for not picking it up. Oftentimes that justification comes in the form of blaming others. As Shandel said, you have to make another person’s vices worse than your virtue. She explained it as Cognitive Dissonance, the concept that you cannot believe something and behave differently. Shandel’s husband John Sutherland said that you objectify a person so you can justify mistreating or belittling them. There is a part of this book that refers to self-betrayal as when you actively resist the humanity of others. Once you begin justifying your actions, or lack of action, you have deceived yourself.
I would highly recommend reading this book! It really opens your mind and makes you think about your own actions. Self-deception is not doing something you know you should be doing, and then justifying yourself for it. You betray your values and then objectify others in order to justify your actions. We will never find real solutions to issues we face if we keep thinking we never contribute to the problem. Diminishing other people’s humanity only increases our self-deception. Let’s treat people like the human beings they are! Sometimes you need to take a deep breath and remember that God made each and every person for a purpose. Self-deception is all about choices. Choose to honor the person you want to be. Because, when you make better choices, you will live a better life. So choose well. Oh yeah!
Here is an affiliate link that you can use to purchase the book! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07DKHH1GC?tag=onamzmister09-20&linkCode=ic5&ascsubtag=amzn1.infl.us.product&creativeASIN=B07DKHH1GC&ref=exp_misterbrown_dp_vv_d
